Thursday, December 18, 2014

Date Club: The Trouble With People #2







If you missed Part I, go -->  HERE 


I managed to land myself into the funny, exciting, confusing, and absolutely creepy world of dating. 

This propelled me to start a short series [writing and radio interviews] about relationships [from all perspectives] because quite frankly, a lot of people seem to be EXTREMELY confused about the differences between dating, relationships, love, like, attraction, friendship, passion, spark, sex, making love, long-term, short-term and just for fun.

After reading numerous articles by so called "relationship gurus" advising men and women to solely act in favor of the other gender or partner, rather than WITH one another or for self, I found such advice not applicable to reality whatsoever. 

Most disturbing is that people pay strict attention to "relationship gurus" as well as pay hard earned money for advice that is as general as horoscopes in the newspaper.

With that being said, I invite you to look through my eyes and experience the world of dating, online and off. 


Come on, I promise it will be more than interesting. Some of this stuff is downright hysterical, some of it is painful truth, a lot of it is purely horrifying, some of it is fun and most of it is 100% absolute nonsense.


Thus, I hereby dub this experience, "Date Club" after one of my favorite movies. 


First rule of date club: 

Do not take anything serious in date club.
 

The first order of business is an online profile.

How hard is it to take a non insane photo of yourself and post it online? 

One would think this is an easy task. 

I have a few DEFINITE PHOTO DONT'S:

- selfies in public toilets or any toilet, anywhere, ever
- on a tractor, with a shotgun, in the wild
- trying to look sexy, ending up with a "serial rapist" look 
- the "I was just released from prison, again" look
- with a bunch of small children = weirdo pedophile 
- with women or men hanging all over you
- with people marked out, whited out, or cut out
- all curled up in bed causing you to look [psychotic?]
- with your head cut off showing ONLY your body 
- you and your friends
- you in a club, wasted, holding up a drink with your friends
- you and your parent!
- naked, walking in fields of wheat 
- just between your legs with women's undies on when you  
  are a male seeking a female
- just your eyes, up close, real close, TOO close 
  [See line #3]
-with sunglasses on [in.every.single.photo]
-dressed like Pirates of the Caribbean [in.every.single photo]  
-just your chest, muscles, torso, breasts, butt, body parts
-ONLY working out 
-doing some Evil Knievel stunt 
-in your work attire 
 [like right before surgery, by trays of sharp instruments] 
-depressed, sad, not smiling [might need psychotherapy]
-with a ton of people [hmm, I wonder which one you are?] 
-with makeup on [blush, eyeliner, the whole nine] when  
 you are a man seeking a woman
-just your tattoos
-on your bike, in your sports car, on your yacht [I get it] 
-dancing, anywhere, especially disco
-drunk, and/or drugged
-teeth would be nice . . . 
-naked torso with a crucifix hanging from your neck  
-with your guitar on your couch [in. every.single.photo] 
-did I mention no Axl Rose or Poison attire? 



Please. Just be you and if that is you, good luck finding the
alternate you . . .

These are just a few and there is, oh, so much more . . . 

I need to talk about user names . . . 
Address what NOT to say on first contact . . .  
The actual date . . .
Phone calls . . .
Texts . . .

Stay tuned for Series #3, "The Trouble With People" with more realistic advice, from direct experience, and live interviews showing the male perspective vs. the female perspective. 

There are awesome people to be found and lasting relations in all kinds of fashions. Thus far, I have had all kinds of experiences and they are way too good to keep to myself. 

In everything, be careful, have fun, be nice and be clear about why you are REALLY seeking out anyone. That is, if you even know why yourself.


Proper communication is the key people! 


First rule of date club: 

Do not take anything serious in date club.




Post a Comment