Saturday, August 19, 2017

A Journey Into the Void

"Dawn greeted me as the sky continued to bleed, painting the breasts of birds with its tears. I did not know whether to laugh or cry, I simply stood in awe of the red breasted robin perched on a solitary limb." 

- Susan Marie 

Fall is near, as I write these words to you now, thinking back to the exact moment above when summer was not even close to having its last dance with humankind. You see, it is a most unusual circumstance that has presented itself in my life. For the past year and a half, I have been severely allergic to pollen. Allergic to pollen. Yes, me, allergic to pollen. Not your ordinary hay fever, sinus headache, stuffy nose, itchy eyes either, the "bronchospasm, cannot breathe, holy crow, I think I may be having an anaphylactic reaction" kind of allergic. 

This is of course nothing new, it has just never been pollen. My dear nature, the lovely budding trees, the ones I put my arms around every chance I get, this physical human body now has turned on me, apparently, and recognizes pollen as an invader. There is no cure, no immune disorder present, no medication, no holistic way to get past this. I tried everything.


The only way to avoid having to use an epinephrine pen or albuterol inhaler followed by a visit to the emergency room is to avoid the pollen. That means staying indoors. 

Staying Indoors! What?! I live in a climate on the East Coast where we may get 3 whole months of warm weather and sunshine and even if I move, which I have no desire to do, pollen still travels via air and that does not solve this dilemma. 

My doctors tell me, "Susan, you are indeed a rare human." 

I agree. 

I take that as a compliment. 

However, I must admit, it takes a strong mental attitude to consistently tell yourself that this too shall pass. I have no fear regarding all of these life threatening situations that have plagued me most of my life and specifically, since a solitary yellow-jacket stung me in my sleep at the tail end of 2015. A yellow-jacket. Yes, a single bug kick started this strange phenomenon that no doctor, no holistic healer, not a single specialist can fix. 

I figured out a backdoor on my own.

Through a series of diverse and interesting outdoor adventures, I timed staying outside as long as possible on high pollen days. The moment my physical body began to react, I went indoors, inside a building or vehicle with windows closed. After being indoors for awhile, I am okay and regain my normal physical immune response. I tricked the pollen, or my body, not sure which, maybe both.

If I stay outside ALL DAY on high pollen days, which is all of Spring, tree pollen [April, May, parts of June] and most of August and September, ragweed], I will surely break out in hives, have extreme shortness of breath and chest pain ending in a bronchospasm, epinephrine pen [or two], inhaler and emergency room. 


This made me become grateful for so many others things I was blind to or simply did not recognize before this extreme heightened sensitivity. 

I am an empath, you see, but an ultra extra sensitive highly attuned empath.

Thank goodness such instances are temporary.

The reason I know it is temporary is this is not the first time I have experienced these situations. They are, for me, stages of immense spiritual growth and eventually, whatever issue is occurring finds a way to balance itself out.

In my experience, this has been via prayer, meditation, getting rid of whatever is toxic, changing careers, living quarters/areas, quitting a job/getting a new one, letting go of people I love who no longer hear me, changing diet, the way I operate and the way I think and feel, most importantly, about myself.

Think when you can apply such massive transitions in your own life. I know you can. You will find past habits falling away from you, people you have always known suddenly leaving your side without rhyme or reason, career changes, changes in your habits, the way you perceive everything and a NEED and WANT to KEEP progressing.

These are far from easy times, they are quite difficult and painful but much like child birth, death, surgery, major illness or heartbreak, you get better. Time does not heal anything, you learn to deal with your own emotions, health, body, mind and spirit. 

Today, I went on  a journey. I love to journey, this is nothing new. 

In shamanic traditions, a "journey" is when the soul leaves the body, and may travel to spiritual aspects of places on the Earth, or may go within the Earth, or above it. The map of these common destinations is referred to as a cosmology. Terms such as upper, lower and middle world are used to divide the cosmology, but there are a wide variety of destinations.

Journeying like meditation is a tool for spiritual growth. It is also a tool that can be used for healing, to obtain information, and in working through psychological issues. 

You can read more about that here --> The Shamanic Journey 

I want to share my discovery with you right now.

Michael Stone from --> Well of Light, has an innate ability to educate and guide people regarding shamanic journeys. He is able to bring people to themselves, whether one fully understands or has no idea what any of this means, in a calm and peaceful fashion. 

I journey on my own a lot and go much deeper relating to healing and love for another, for myself, my ancestors, my family and sometimes, I am not 100% sure WHY I am journeying and may allow my guides, animal totems and power animals to take me where I need to go for what I need to see.

It is imperative though to begin with great intent. 

The video below is a simple guided journey.

Into the Void Guided Journey

I relax into my high backed brown leather chair with my feet flat, grounded to the Earth, close my eyes and turn so I am facing my altar, a place I keep my rocks and gems, my horse blanket on the wall. I begin diaphragmatic breathing, in the background I hear the drumming . . . 

I was swimming in a lake full of heavy muck, some sort of thick, black waste like glue that was heavy, laden and most difficult to get through. It kept trying to drag me down and I kept my head above the water and trudged through. After a long while and out of breath, I finally reached land. I stood, naked, covered with the remnants of this black grime. I bent over and violently vomited out nothing but black. 

I stood and to the left of me, I heard a rushing waterfall. I can almost see it, and thought, "this is where I need to go to get this sludge off of me" and looked to my right, to another path, that was a simple not well worn dirt path surrounded by short grass. I looked behind me and all I saw was a dead world, apocalyptic, everything was black and grey and burning as if everything I just came from was bombed, burned to the ground, wasted. I looked again to my right and chose the dirt path instead of the waterfall. 

It was a short path and when I reached the end of it I looked before me and saw an Indian village. I did not recognize the tribe. Everyone was busy with their lives, preparing meals, fires cooking, children running about, and I began to walk forward. This felt right to me, like home. As if I had been here before. I was welcome.

Immediately upon being spotted, a dear friend of mine, River --> L.R.Heartsong, came to greet me on my right. He knew everyone here, this was a place he practiced and learned in, a place of healing and love where he was known. I was put upon a bed made of what I saw as braided rushes. The women were cleaning the black sludge off of my body with water in hand made bowls and medicine men danced around me speaking words I never heard before yet somehow knew what they meant.

River was busy treating me. His hands were scanning my body from top to bottom as the women continued to wash and the men continued to dance. 

I opened my eyes then and I wanted very much to stay there but I could not. This journey had ended for now. I knew exactly what this meant. There was no doubt about the message. I got it. Loud and clear. 

I thanked my ancestors, my guides, the four corners and everyone who watches over me. 

What a beautiful message to receive before the new moon. 

Tell me, what do you see when you close your eyes? 

Words & Photo © Susan Marie